Snark Week, Oct. 10

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Reid gives shout out to CL's mothership
County Commissioner Tom Collins

THEY LOVE COPS. TO A POINT.

Clark County Commissioner Steve Sisolak says its a little unfair to to imply his consistent vote against a sales tax increase for Metro Police and other valley agencies means he doesn’t support cops. Of course he supports cops. But when it comes to actually, you know, doing things to support cops — such as, say, incurring the wrath of the ill-informed rabble who consistently come out to oppose all taxes whose ignorant support he might need if he decides to run for governor — well, fuck that. That’s not a direct quote, of course. Kind of a paraphrase.

COMPROMISE PLAN

Meanwhile, Clark County Commissioner Tom Collins might want to work on his compromise skills. First, he voted down a plan to approve half of the 0.15-percentage point cop sales tax authorized by the Legislature, or 0.075 percentage points. Then, he saw a majority of his colleagues vote down the 0.15-percentage-point plan, which left Metro with nothing. So instead of simply voting for the 0.075 plan, Collins is asking for a new ordinance to be drafted, which would phase in the sales tax over a period of a few months, say 0.12 percentage points in April, and then the other 0.03 percentage points in July, for the full 0.15 by the middle of next year.

“Oh, well, when you put it like that, we’re totally in!” said no one on the county commission.

CEGAVSKE FOR GRIM REAPER?

It’s not entirely clear if state Sen. Barbara Cegavske, R-Las Vegas, has voted against every campaign reform plan ever proposed, but she’s certainly looked askance at many of them. That’s why it’s curious that she’s considering a bid for secretary of state of Nevada, the office that usually proposes reforms to benefit public disclosure of campaign finances and making it easier for people to vote in elections. Now, we’re not going to say something wild, like “this would be akin to appointing the late Dr. Jack Kevorkian as surgeon general,” except that Kevorkian did advocate for assisted suicide, and the surgeon general typically tells people how to lengthen their lives and … oh, wait, this is the perfect analogy. We’re sticking with it!

NEARLY HALF OF PUBLIC HAVE HEADS OUTSIDE ASSES, POLL FINDS

The Retail Association of Nevada recently conducted a poll that found nearly half — or 46 percent — of Nevadans believe The Education Initiative will provided much-needed revenue to public schools. (The initiative, sponsored by the Nevada State Education Association, would impose a 2 percent margins tax on all Nevada businesses.) Perhaps more surprising, the poll also found that 47 percent believe it would increase prices, cost jobs and hurt business. Sadly, none of the push questions were this one: “If you knew that every other state that surrounds Nevada imposes a business tax, yet all have lower unemployment and consumer prices roughly equal to that of Nevada, what the hell are you waiting for, tax Wal-Mart and Target already you morons!”

MORMONS STILL OPPOSE GAY STUFF, MORMON APOSTLE SAYS

Mormon Apostle Dallas H. Oaks told the faithful that human laws cannot “make moral what God has declared immoral,” a reaffirmation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaching that while gay urges are not sinful, acting upon them and doing gay things most definitely is (and we don’t think they’re talking about fabulous Halloween parties — holla!). The Mormon church stands strongly against extending marriage equality to gay people, based on its beliefs. Left unanswered (and, we’re pretty sure, unasked) in Oaks testimony is this question: If you don’t believe in the God of the Mormon church, are you bound by his laws? And should the civil governments of states or the country be bound by them? And … sorry all this talk of bondage is getting a little weird for us. Let’s move on…

REID READS THE REVIEW-JOURNAL, RECOGNIZE!

U.S. Sen. Harry Reid finally weighed in on the legal fight that will someday soon see the joint-operating agreement between the Las Vegas Sun and the Review-Journal melt away like ice cream on a Vegas sidewalk in August. Reid told the R-J’s Washington bureau chief Steve Tetreault that getting rid of the Sun would be a “bad thing for Nevada,” adding that the R-J’s editorial philosophy is “as goofy, senseless, stupid as any in America.”

So, Reid is saying that the R-J is at least a nationally ranked paper when it comes to goofy, senseless and stupid editorials? In a nation that still sees the Wall Street Journal and Investors Business Daily published every day? Now that’s high praise! We’ll be waiting to see that quote plastered on the side of R-J trucks soon!