VICE: Ten things that feel awesome that are also good for you

<strong>1. Getting extra sleep:</strong> Feel better, think clearer, get slimmer. Sleep is like the P.F. Flyer of stuff your body does on its own. With no health drawbacks (besides being a lazy goodfornothing), getting seven to eight hours a night is one of the best things you can do in a day.

<strong>2. Taking a mental health day:</strong> We can appreciate the people who work all day every day and don’t take any breaks. Someone has to while we take a few days off, go to the beach, and tell our calendars and inboxes to leave us the fuck alone for a couple days. Taking a couple annual vacations — which we’re going to interpret as skipping work on a Friday and speeding west — relieves stress, promotes creative thinking and gives you something to look forward to as you work your ass off.

<strong>3. Sex:</strong> It releases endorphins, burns calories (depending on your, er, enthusiasm) and ramps up levels of oxytocin, a hormone that makes you feel connected to someone (just think of a clinger as someone with high oxytocin output). Quick caveat: We won’t say it’s the unanimously healthiest vice, since you always run the risk of catching something that has its own pamphlet.

<strong>4. Chocolate: </strong>It has antioxidants to remove free radicals and damaging agents, and flavonoids to lower the blood pressure and fight blood vessel plaque. Just keep the portion small and the color dark for the most nutrients and stress-fighting agents.

<strong>5. Sex-free night out:</strong> Because limiting this to “girls’ night out” really demolishes a particular demographic. Spend a night out when you aren’t chasing tail. Play cards with your dudes. Get your hurr did with your girls. Or any non-gender-stereotypical activity. It promotes brain health and longer life — unless your friends are dicks. Then you should get new friends.

<strong>6. Full-fat dressing: </strong>Don’t translate this as “BUTTER ON EVERYTHING.” Paula Deen doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Full-fat dressings often have good monounsaturated fats (avocados, nuts) and Omega-3 fatty acids (fish, walnuts) that help deter depression symptoms and joint problems. Plus, fats are satisfying. Just ask Paula Deen.

<strong>7. Morning coffee:</strong> Office drones love it. Bodybuilders take it black and in a protein shake. Without all the sugars and Starbucksian additives, a morning cup of joe fights heart disease and Type 2 diabetes development — and with its association to lowering risks for Alzheimer’s, it could keep you from turning into a crazy old bat down the road.

<strong>8. Massages: </strong>Satisfies the basic idea of No. 3, but can be performed by more candidates and has less risk of bringing a person into the world. It’ll pull out your knots, knead out depression and make you calm down once in awhile — which benefits everyone.

<strong>9. Basking in the sun: </strong>While hanging out in the desert sun has never been known to prevent skin cancer, a little brightness goes a long way to raising your Vitamin D levels, thus raising your spirits and lowering your risk of heart disease.

<strong>10. Drinking wine:</strong> You’re probably noticing a trend: moderation. One five-ounce glass of wine a day boosts your antioxidants and possibly boosts good cholesterol. But that doesn’t mean binging is good for the body. Women who drink a lot are at higher risk of breast cancer, and drinking too much of any alcohol packs on the pounds … wait for it … like a Paula Deen recipe. MAX PLENKE

<em>(According to a CNN report.)</em>

<strong>1. Getting extra sleep:</strong> Feel better, think clearer, get slimmer. Sleep is like the P.F. Flyer of stuff your body does on its own. With no health drawbacks (besides being a lazy goodfornothing), getting seven to eight hours a night is one of the best things you can do in a day.

<strong>2. Taking a mental health day:</strong> We can appreciate the people who work all day every day and don’t take any breaks. Someone has to while we take a few days off, go to the beach, and tell our calendars and inboxes to leave us the fuck alone for a couple days. Taking a couple annual vacations — which we’re going to interpret as skipping work on a Friday and speeding west — relieves stress, promotes creative thinking and gives you something to look forward to as you work your ass off.

<strong>3. Sex: </strong>It releases endorphins, burns calories (depending on your, er, enthusiasm) and ramps up levels of oxytocin, a hormone that makes you feel connected to someone (just think of a clinger as someone with high oxytocin output). Quick caveat: We won’t say it’s the unanimously healthiest vice, since you always run the risk of catching something that has its own pamphlet.

<strong>4. Chocolate: </strong>It has antioxidants to remove free radicals and damaging agents, and flavonoids to lower the blood pressure and fight blood vessel plaque. Just keep the portion small and the color dark for the most nutrients and stress-fighting agents.

<strong>5. Sex-free night out: </strong>Because limiting this to “girls’ night out” really demolishes a particular demographic. Spend a night out when you aren’t chasing tail. Play cards with your dudes. Get your hurr did with your girls. Or any non-gender-stereotypical activity. It promotes brain health and longer life — unless your friends are dicks. Then you should get new friends.

<strong>6. Full-fat dressing:</strong> Don’t translate this as “BUTTER ON EVERYTHING.” Paula Dean doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Full-fat dressings often have good monounsaturated fats (avocados, nuts) and Omega-3 fatty acids (fish, walnuts) that help deter depression symptoms and joint problems. Plus, fats are satisfying. Just ask Paula Dean.

<strong>7. Morning coffee: </strong>Office drones love it. Bodybuilders take it black and in a protein shake. Without all the sugars and Starbucksian additives, a morning cup of joe fights heart disease and Type 2 diabetes development — and with its association to lowering risks for Alzheimer’s, it could keep you from turning into a crazy old bat down the road.

<strong>8. Massages: </strong>Satisfies the basic idea of No. 3, but can be performed by more candidates and has less risk of bringing a person into the world. It’ll pull out your knots, knead out depression and make you calm down once in awhile — which benefits everyone.

<strong>9. Basking in the sun:</strong> While hanging out in the desert sun has never been known to prevent skin cancer, a little brightness goes a long way to raising your Vitamin D levels, thus raising your spirits and lowering your risk of heart disease.

<strong>10. Drinking wine: </strong>You’re probably noticing a trend: moderation. One five-ounce glass of wine a day boosts your antioxidants and possibly boosts good cholesterol. But that doesn’t mean binging is good for the body. Women who drink a lot are at higher risk of breast cancer, and drinking too much of any alcohol packs on the pounds … wait for it … like a Paula Dean recipe. MAX PLENKE