Photo Credit: BILL HUGHES
Patrick “Pirate” Watson owns a 1955 Cadillac and a 1929 Hudson rat rod he built at Cactus Flyer, his friend Mike Kelley’s shop.
I’m a very active person. I don’t just burn the candle at both ends — I light the whole thing on fire. So when it was proposed that I attempt to spend an entire 24 hours sitting on my couch, I thought it would be impossible. Here are my notes from the expedition:
12:01a.m.: This isn’t bad at all … I can catch up on my reading and e-mail!
8:30a.m.: Shit, I just spent eight and a half hours on Facebook?! R.I.P. laptop battery.
9 a.m.: Time to watch one of these DVDs I checked out from the library.
10:30 a.m.: I just wasted 90 minutes of my life watching Top Gun?! Damn you, Bruckheimer! I want my 90 minutes back!
10:31 a.m.: God, I wish I could go to the gym … I can feel my ass getting bigger by the second.
10:32 a.m.: I could always do some isometric exercises right here on the couch, like those fat people on the Richard Simmons specials! Let’s see, sit-ups …
10:33 a.m.: Fuck it, this is too hard. Nap time!
12:45 p.m.: What’s for lunch? I must have burned upwards of 20 calories sitting here all morning. … I’m starving!
2:27 p.m.: Why do I have to be one of those effete people who refuses to get cable TV?!?! This book sucks!
4:20 p.m.: Ah, 4:20 p.m.!
5 p.m.: Finally, happy hour! Charles Shaw to the rescue!
6:15 p.m.: I really like you, couch … I mean it; I really, really like you! We should spend more time together like this, you know?!
8:43 p.m.: Dang, I really need to dust and vacuum in here. As soon as my 24 hours is up, I’m cleaning house!
8:44 p.m.: Might as well clean out under the couch cushions while I’m here. Mmmm, Captain Crunch!
9:13 p.m.: Man, I can’t wait to get out of this house! The minute my 24 hours is up, I’m going for a run!
9:57 p.m.: Or a drink! The minute this is over, I’m hopping on my bike and heading for the Beauty Bar!
11 p.m.: I can’t even feel my ass anymore
11:34 p.m.: I think my muscles are atrophying
11:59 p.m.: Boy, all this laying around was exhausting. I’m going to bed.