Fun fact for European travelers: Moscow is apparently the least-policed city in the world. While no fewer than 40 vehicles were completely demolished during a high-speed chase — which followed a massive courtroom explosion during the city’s most talked-about trial in years and featured at least one truck blown to bits by an RPG — there are exactly four police sirens and three police cars in A Good Day to Die Hard. Oh, and one of them could have just been building security. Maybe the police simply gave up, knowing they were no match for all the explosions and other assorted carnage and silliness. After all, it’s what screenwriter Skip Woods did.
Although the series has been surprisingly durable, this is an astonishingly bad movie. Worse: It’s boring. Even worse: It suffers from The Scrappy Doo Syndrome. Perhaps you know it by another name — The Chachi, The Mutt Williams, The Shemp — but the rule is the same: When your main character(s) can no longer sustain or inspire the big storylines, add fresh new faces to the mix alongside them. Just stop. Usually that fresh face is a relative, and in A Good Day to Die Hard, John McClane (Bruce Willis) goes to Moscow looking for his son, Jack (Jai Courtney), who McClane believes is on the wrong side of the law.
Turns out, Jack is one of the CIA’s top men in Russia, involved in a dangerous covert mission involving a billionaire political prisoner, top Kremlin officials and a vital piece of evidence called “The File,” because this movie is incredibly stupid.
Naturally (and again because Die Hard is so stupid), the scene shifts to Chernobyl — a 12-hour road trip the McClanes drive in roughly 90 minutes — where the final, creaky, uninspired action scene unfolds. They couldn’t have made a worse Die Hard movie if they tried, but hey, at least they would have tried.