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Commentary: Mr. President, unleash your inner Smokin' Joe

As this lull after the first presidential debate lengthens into the prep time for the second, occasional CityLife contributor Quentin R. Bufogle can contain himself no longer:

Abraham Zapruder, if you’re up there listening, I feel you. I now understand the shock and disbelief of witnessing an event so horrifying, so unthinkable, it alters the very DNA. After watching the first Obama-Romney debate, I have only one question: Mr. President, what the fuck were you thinking? You sat there on the bench, bad as you wanna be, nodding your head while a guy named Willard (in gym shorts a size too small) owned the court. When he railed about the immorality of running up the debt, what did you do? Did you question the morality of a man who reverse-engineered his tax return so as not to be caught in a lie? A man who spent the summer on a beach in France, writing love letters in the sand, while others died in a war he supported? 

How about challenging the morality of a Romney for-profit healthcare system -- a system that’s already sent costs spiraling into the stratosphere? (Cheaper to purchase plutonium on the black market than prescription eye drops at Walgreens.) Hey, we get it. You’re a part-time candidate with the world’s toughest day job. You’re the POTUS. But couldn’t ya have channeled a little Bubba? Taken Romney and the Boy Wonder to task on their voodoo math? Y’know, eliminating the deficit while lowering taxes on the uber-rich? Stimulating the economy by cutting spending? (Even Adam Smith would’ve told Mitt, it’s dollars changing hands that creates jobs -- not “business," large or small.) But no. You let Romney propagate the same ol’ Republican lie -- a trickle-down economic theory just slightly less provable than Fermat’s Equation. 

Look, we fully expected the first round to go to Romney (unless his head spun around and he spewed green vomit). It’s almost a tradition! As my girl Rachel Maddow pointed out, since 1976, only one incumbent has gotten chalk in the win column for an initial debate. But c’mon, man! Drop the Ali rope-a-dope and show us some Smokin’ Joe Frazier! Take the fight to this bum. Show the world just how sharp Mitty really is when he’s forced to think on his feet -- a guy who finds it easier to keep track of his offshore bank accounts than his changing positions on the issues. Remember, anyone who denigrates 47 percent of Americans as entitled deadbeats simply isn’t worthy of governing them all. Some of us still believe in hope and change, Mr. Obama. How 'bout you?